Friends, in order for you to know how BIG of a blessing we've just experienced, you need to know a little bit of history first.
When Mike and I decided to adopt it was because we felt like it was what God wanted. We were on a waiting list for the agency we wanted to work with for a year (which was okay because Tyler was still small and we weren't quite ready) before they would even take applications. When we went to their information meeting we were one of two couples (out of 25 or so) who COULD conceive. All of the others had struggled with infertility and had had previous losses and shed tears as they told their story and their hope in adoption. Even though we wanted to adopt, we felt like we would be "taking" a baby from one of these couples who hadn't even been given the chance to parent yet and that just didn't feel right.
Enter the Foster Care Guy. I don't remember his name but he spoke about an alternative to traditional adoption called foster-to-adopt. Sure, it had risks, sure, it was uncertain, and sure, it was not what we had planned, but boy was there ever a need for it. We left the meeting and kind of let that sink in for a while.
As we shared that option with our family and friends we heard the same answer over and over. "You can't do that!", " What if you have to give the baby back!" ,"That would be too hard!", "I could never do that!" After praying about it and weighing our options, foster-to-adopt was right for us. We went through the training and just needed finger prints and would be licensed for placements!!
As you probably know, the fingerprinting process has taken a year and a half. I just don't have good prints and they keep on failing. Not only that, but I found out last month that the FBI is so backed up on reading prints that they are taking 4 months to read each set, so instead of waiting 6-8 weeks in-between failures, I now had to wait 4 months. Even I felt hopeless.
I went to Bible study and didn't feel like sharing, but there's always a time at the end when you get to. I'd keep it short and simple so as to not cry. Same plan as every week. I just shared that I was tired of waiting on this set of prints and that I'm tired of having an empty crib in my house when I know there are babies out there who need me and I just don't understand what's going on!! Immediately my eyes fix on the women on my left. One who could never have children, and another who never had birth children and finally adopted. Both are in their late 40's I'd guess. I looked at them and said, "You know what this is like!" and the tears spilled.
My dear Greta, who did adopt, had tears in her eyes. This is what she said. "You know Darbi, only God knows our future. My husband and I tried for 10 years to have a baby and just couldn't. I too had an empty crib and didn't know why. But finally I realized God knew what He was doing." (People had told me 'God knew what He was doing' all the time but I was beginning to think it was more of a token answer to get me to shut-up than it was their genuine belief.) "I started thinking things like, 'maybe next year I'm going to come down with cancer or my husband will loose his job and we will be unable to care for a baby. These are things He knows that I don't. But then I started a new prayer. Did I want a baby or did I want what God wanted? I prayed, 'God, I want you more than I want a baby. Let your will be done.' (Now the whole room is crying). Three days later, I got a phone call about my daughter."
WOW. That was amazing. As I went home I thought long and hard about that. Of course we want God's plan...we are fostering kid's FOR GOD and for the community. How can it not be God's plan? But have I actually said that to Him? Surrendered it to Him? I kind of assumed He knew I wanted what He wanted because...well He just should. But it's kind of how a wife assumes her husband knows he loves her but never tells him...then it's too late...
Two Wednesdays ago I started praying specifically to God. "I want YOU more than I want this baby. Whatever you have planned for us is going to be great and good and I trust you. But if it is to have this baby, please let these fingerprints go through so I can help her...or him."
Today I got a phone call that my fingerprints went through. They were not scheduled to go through until later in the month and a preliminary report in the computer said they had failed. But friends, they passed, and we're getting a baby for our crib. And now I can say with 100% confidence that is the ministry God wants us to be doing and I am so excited that there isn't an exclamation point big enough to end this sentence with!
God is so mysterious, confusing and sometimes hard to follow, but at the same time He is loving, mighty, wonderful and ever present. I praise Him for all of it.
