Going to a funeral...

I'm going to a funeral today. It's a "celebration of life" for a baby who lived for 45 minutes. I'm glad my friends have such a good attitude of the life of their little one but let's face it...that's not much to celebrate. I mean, don't get me wrong. Moriah is a LOT to celebrate. She's beautiful, perfect and whole and deserved to get to know all of the people here waiting for her. Waiting to love her for a long, long time. It sucks.
As I've been talking to Moriah's mom I've been naturally going down memory lane, and while I was at it I decided to pull out my box of cards people sent us when baby Hope died. I found a pretty amazing little gem. A poem I don't even remember writing. It was with a bunch of her pictures and a list of people I was going to send them to and never did. So, in honor of Moriah and my sweet Hope Michael, here's the poem.

I'll Be Right Here...

I thought life would be different, I'd grow up right there with you.
In pink dresses and pigtails doing all the things kids do.

While you're sad and missing me please know I'm missing you,
For while you dreamed of time together, I too dreamed of you.

But God knows what He's doing, that is clear for me to see.
When I think of all the earthly things He graciously kept from me.

I'll never have a broken leg, nor have a broken heart.
I'll never know what war is and will never take a part.

The best part here where I am which I think is pretty clever,
Once you're here you'll never leave! You'll stay with me forever!

And just as you prepared your lives to include little me,
By buying toys and books and clothes and my nursery,

I'm walking around with Jesus and our friends and family too,
And you can't even IMAGINE the place we've prepared for you!

But as you wait to get here there's a lot that you can do,
To make sure people know Our Lord and get to come here too.

It's hard to be apart...You are my family, my friends.
But I'll be right here waiting, AND WE'LL NEVER PART AGAIN!

by Darbi Johnson 6/2002


It'll always be a scar. Almost every day is a good day, but then when friends go through it I kind of relapse and wish it didn't happen all over again. But I have to remind myself that my babies never had to suffer, they will never know the pains of this earth, I will see them again, and they are with the only better Father than Mike and my dad that they could be with...until we meet again!

And a really sweet story is about Blake. When I was going through the Hope shoe box I asked Blake, "Have you ever seen Hope? He said, "No." I said, "Do you want to see her picture?" He said, "Yes!" And started jumping up and down. "I get to see my sister! I get to see my sister!" I showed him the picture. He just STARED. "Awwwww! She's so cute!!!! Mom....Can I have her picture in my room?" Oh my gosh. My heart melted. Now I have to find the perfect frame.