When's a good time to have a baby?

I've heard people say they're waiting to have a baby because of certain reasons...they want to finish school first, wait until their loan is paid off, get a better job, have their other kids grow a bit, buy a bigger house, save up for a van, and I admire those people. I really do. Especially when they can actually stick to those plans. To me, that's what the 9 months of growing a baby is for...the planning. Any more time than that to plan anything would be excessive. I'm very impatient, especially when it comes to the matters of tiny people (one of my favorite things).

But what happens next is you might be in the right position financially, physically and emotionally and decide to start trying to have a baby and there's a whole new list of things that can blow your plans off track. For example a womb that once worked after the first try can just decide it doesn't want to work anymore, an adoption that is supposed to take around 6 months can take years, or congratulations, triplets! I guess I'm just realizing that the more and more I try to plan my family, the less control I realize I actually have over any part of it...and I'm finally okay with that.

Today was our home study which really should have been called a you study. I have been asked far less at a job interview, and yet I wish all people would have to go through such an interview before being denied or allowed to conceive. The case worker wanted to know how old my parents were when they met. (I don't know, old?) Where is the location of our tree frog we had listed in the paper work a year ago? (6 feet under.) What kind of grades did I get in middle school? (Were there grades? I thought there were just boys.) The questions continued for 2 1/2 hrs. But then they got good:

"Mike, what attracted you to Darbi?" We smiled, paused and looked at each other. This was not one we had practiced ahead of time. I didn't know what he was going to say.

"Other girls made me feel like I had to be different. But not her. She just liked me for who I was from the beginning. I didn't have to try to be somebody else. I was just me. And she liked me. " I got all teary but tried to keep it together. Only losers cry during their home studies.

"And what would you say is the hardest thing you have ever been through as a couple?" And out the tears come. I looked at him and gave him a nod and he told her the story of loosing our Hope. He told her how it was by far the hardest thing we'd gone through, but we did in fact get through it because of our faith, our friends and our family that stood by our side and held us up when we couldn't stand on our own.

"And what would you say has been the very best thing you've experienced?" I immediately said, "Blake's birth" just as Mike said, "The rest." I looked at him and just paused in a moment of awe. If we were in a movie right then the camera would have zoomed in on me staring into his cute face for a while while the case worker went on with her questions but some mushy song would be playing in the background. He's a man of few words, so when he says them I just melt.

Looking back at our marriage so far we definitely didn't get the kids we planned or when we wanted them. But a life any different than the one we've lived is so hard to imagine. We've done life together and we've got some qualities of an 80 year old couple because of it. We couldn't bond that way or learn those things if we would have taken the easy path we had "planned" for ourselves.

The case worker left our house this afternoon and will write up a 13-17 page profile of her visit with us today. That will be placed on top of all of our paperwork and sent to the licensor who will hopefully give us a license in about a month. But none of that is in our control. Any number of things can happen in the meantime that can either speed up or slow down the process of getting our baby into our hands. And that's okay.

My life is perfectly imperfect and complete right now with a history of blessings and bruises along the way that shaped me into the Darbi I'm supposed to be, the mom I'm supposed to be of the children I'm supposed to have. There will be a next one, I don't know who or when, but when they enter this home there will be so much love, laughter, care and hope waiting for them that there won't be room for their little cheeks!

So when's a good time to have a baby? Never...and always.