It all started in the beginning of our marriage. I tried to ignore it, but it's too ugly to hide. I didn't tell our counselor, in fear of digging up an issue we'd never be able to solve. And now the worst has happened. He's passed this horrible trait on to our children. Ladies, I need your help, your strength, your support. Or am I alone? Is it only my husband and sons who have "I-can't-see-what's-right-in-front-of-my-face" disease?
Here was the first sign: "Wife, we are out of ketchup." I hear him say from the kitchen. We were having hot dogs that night and the thought of having hot dogs without ketchup...that'd be like me paying full price for cereal...NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
I replied lovingly, "Husband, I KNOW we have ketchup. Last week we had like 5 bottles that were 1/3 full." He opened the fridge to look again.
"Nope!"
I came over to the fridge and knew what I would find. Not one, but two bottles of ketchup in less than .5 seconds.
And it only gets worse, thus the reason for the post:
The boys' bedroom is upstairs. They go through clothes like crazy and I hate doing laundry which is a very dangerous combination. I get their laundry washed, and folded, but then usually it sits in laundry baskets in their room. Since we use our downstairs for life and company and very rarely use the upstairs, I very rarely make it a priority to get their laundry put away.
Last week Blake was getting his outfits from the laundry baskets. There were three of them. He came downstairs and said, "MOM! I don't have any underwear! And I have to wear Tyler's pants again!" He's short, so it works. The underwear thing I didn't buy however, so I went upstairs and got him a pair in the allotted .5 seconds I had bet myself in my head.
The next day when Mike was getting them dressed, he said, "Wife, Blake has no pants, and he still has no underwear."
I asked, "Did you look in all of the laundry baskets?"
"Yes," he said, "there's none in there."
You might want to sit down for this because this is the point at which our family "hit the bottom" and it may be inappropriate for some viewers. When Mike took Blake to school and Tyler took his nap, I headed up the stairs to finally face the 3 baskets of laundry I had ignored for some time. While I sat and sorted and refolded, do you know what I found? THIRTY TWO pairs of underwear friends. Thirty two. And, sure, they are tiny and I can see how some of them can get hidden in-between the pants and shirts and all, but SERIOUSLY.
Please tell me there is hope for my husband. Please tell me that in his future he will be able to find stuff. And my boys...I want them to have ALL of his traits except this one but it appears that it is too late. I'm afraid.
Thirty two.
Thirty two.
This message was paid for by the Campaign to raise money for the Darbi Johnson School for Husbands and Children Who Can't Find Stuff.
12 comments:
Darbi that was so funny. I TOTALLY understand. My boys (especially the big one) are always asking me where everything is, etc. This post just made me smile. I gotta say, though, your boys have a lot of underwear!
Thirty-two is a lot to not even see one. Strange. But this seems to be a characteristic of some un-named men in my life as well. I can't look at you with a straight face and say there is hope, Darbi. For that would be.....a lie. How can we, mere mortals, hope to peel away the layers of sleepy crust that must certainly be coating each man's eyes? We can't. That's a job for lemon juice. And who of us would pour lemon juice into another's eyes? Now I'm just rambling...
I hear ya with clean laundry sitting in baskets. It's the fault of the basket inventors, for if we hadn't any baskets, this wouldn't happen. What's really frustrating is that sometimes dirty clothes start getting added to the clean basket.
We had friends growing up who had a family of five boys. So, five boys and a husband. You know what the wife did for socks? She simply put all clean socks in a big tub. Didn't even bother to match them up. Just let the boys find pairs daily as they needed them. In fact, I'm fairly sure she only kept one or two style of socks too. Isn't that rad? I've tried to adopt that mentality wherever I can. Like, you won't find me folding my underwear. I'm sorry, but I don't even iron my outer clothes, so a little wrinkle on my inner clothes aint' hurtin' no one.
that's too funny. michael askes where something is before even looking. it drives me nuts. like the cheese. "babe, where's the cheese"...me "um, in the fridge where it should be" duh!!! what the heck is that all about...just look! i've come to the conclusion, most men (mostly married men) become lazy when it comes to stuff around the house, ie laundry and food. remember darb, you are not alone....there are many of us out there. should we start a support group? :o)
Hey Sister
First I would like to say "YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!" Second I would like to ask where to get my family signed up for the "Darbi Johnson School for Husbands and Children Who Can't Find Stuff"?
My boys (especially the biggest) are the worst finders of things.. any and every thing.
Ben will walk into a room look around and go "nope... don't see it". In fact he hates looking, not just does a poor job of it. He has worn two different shoes for the last 3 days in a row because he "can't" find his other ones and I refuse to once again look for shoes. I swear it takes up 1/4 of my life. We even have a basket right in by the front door where shoes go. Luckily for him he has one right one, and one left one.
Paul will look for something forever and then say "honey will you come and find stuff that I am looking right at" He knows I will come and find it, he doesn't even kid himself any longer that it really isn't there, he knows it is and I will find it. Oh that really gets me because if you know I will find it, what keeps him from using his powers to find the same thing. Ok see now you really have me up in arms.
Before I go I do have one more comment... For Lori lls who said that it is the fault of the basket makers; I disagree. I wish I could blame it on them but I have two baskets of folded laundry right now and the rest wouldn't fit so they sit on my couch until someone wears them and they need to get washed again. I say we just get rid of dressers. It would take away the guilt and give us more room!
I am with you girl, we need to band together... Love, Sister
Hahahahahha! Darbi, this is one of the funniest things ever. (Which is good cuz your last one made me cry). I just want to tell you that my dad, brothers and husband ALL have this same disease. Uncanny.
Darb, I am not kidding, I am laughing tears right now.
And I'm sorry to say, but I think it only gets worse with age. Just the other day Craig was looking for something, like the clicker or his wallet, something substantial and it was literally on the coffee table IN FRONT OF HIS FACE!! He's like I can't find my wallet and I walked over to the table, smacked my hand down on it, picked it up and held it to him, with an "oh. my. gosh." expression on my face.
I have to admit, I did feel kinda cool.
Hi,
My name is Karrie. I read Linsay's blog and had to see what the hype was. My husband can suffer from the same syndrome. I am glad I am not the only one who is suffering along with it. Have a great weekend!
Darbi, I hope you feel validated now that every woman has left a comment lending their empathy. When I first met my husband, his friends called him "Captain Oblivious"...this should have been my first clue. Now I have two little boys...I'm not optimistic.
Husbands should be glad that us wives are reading your blog, Darbi. Now, I'm like....ohh, my husband isn't a big lazy guy out to drive me insane....he's a normal guy.... okay, I guess I can deal with that. I really did think it was just HIM at the beginning of our marriage.
Please send me the enrollment forms for your school. I'm hoping that since we're overseas, you will have an online course...
I do believe that is the funniest and truest thing I have ever read! There is only one guy in my house but I dare say the illness is just as bad. My husband likes to call it blind-as-a-bat-ism. I would have to agree. Oh the turmoil when they are tearing up the house because they can't find their keys. So you calmly walk up to them and put your hand in their coat pocket and produce the miraculously found keys and shake your head sadly...or maybe with a great look like Lindsay said "oh.my.gosh."!
Darby, I told you that I thought you should start a blog and you do not disappoint! I love that everyone can relate to this and feel the need to tell you their stories.
I learned that I need to invest in some laundry baskets...our clean clothes find a home on the living room couch. A basket for each person would be handy.
Autumn
p.s. One can never have too much underware.
Ooops. Sorry I spelt your name wrong...Darbi. I hope you still like me.
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