While I'm Waiting...

If life were going my way, I would be sending out baby announcements right now, not writing this letter. The joy of the pink and the sweet little baby face with the details about just what this little being we're waiting for will look like would be sweetly scrap-booked for all the world to see. But in case you didn't know before I am still not God, so therefore we will wait...and wait...and maybe even wait some more...until the perfect child is ready for our home.

Of course the wait is hard. Of course I'm consuming increased levels of chocolate on an almost daily basis to try to handle the stress, and of course I shed a few tears now and again and that's okay. But the most important thing I need to do during this time is learn and listen. I believe it is when we are uncomfortable that if we reach out to God, He can do His best work in us and through us.

It's always uncomfortable for me when life isn't going my way. Our foster license was supposed to take about 6 months to get and we're coming up on almost 2 years, still without a license. There has been a hiccup at ever turn. Last summer our church gave an opportunity to go to Louisiana and help build houses. I let that chance slip by because according to my plan we would for SURE have our baby by then. That summer came and went and the group had an awesome time on that trip while I sat at home.

Well, this year our church offered a different kind of trip. One that makes me uncomfortable in many ways. I will be leaving the continent for the first time and traveling to Poland. I will be leading a group of youth. I will not be going to an orphanage and caring for children as I've done in the past. That would be comfortable. I will be doing street ministry. Yep, just walking on up to people and telling them what God has done in my life. And also giving them balloon animals. You pretty much can't get any weirder than that. =-) I will be away from Mike and my kids and unable to use a cel phone or computer for 13 days. And the worst part....THERE WILL BE NO COFFEE. Folks, I AM GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! Can you feel it???

(Side note - Our group of teens and adults will be part of a group of about 200 who will all hit Poland in the beginning of April. We will put on concerts, dramas, movies in the parks and so-on. It won't be ALL weird. And by weird I mean uncomfortable. =-))

Anywho...here's the short version of how I'll be winding up on the plane to Poland: To be completely honest (and to PLEASE not hurt any one's feelings!) when I first heard that was where the church decided to go I thought, "Why in the world would we go there for a missions trip? The people there have plenty of food! No natural disasters and not an exceeding amount of poverty. It's silly! Why can't we go feed people in Africa or build houses in Mexico? You know, meet a tangible need?" Then it was, "Oh, STREET ministry, yeah, I don't really DO that. Those people are kind of mean and obnoxious (at least the ones on Jerry Springer and in downtown Portland.)" Then here's what I heard..."Oh Darbi... (He didn't call me a swear word. That's how I knew it was Jesus) Let's just take a tiny little walk down memory lane..." (Also I embellish His vocabulary for the sake of the story. I don't really hear an audible voice, He just gently rubs stuff in my face. Now back to the story.)

"Do you remember the very first time you had to place your whole trust in me? All of your hope in me?"

"I sure do. It was in the hospital. When I had to say good-bye to my mom. I had her hand in mine and I couldn't let go because I knew it would be the very last time I held it. I said to you, 'I can't, but You can. ' And you gave me the strength to sing her the same lullaby she sang to me when I was a baby, and then to say good-bye and to let go. It was awesome. It wasn't me. It was you."

"And then the next year, do you remember what we went through together?"

"Yes. The same kind of thing only with my baby girl. I didn't think I could handle seeing her without completely loosing it, knowing she never even got to take a breath. I looked up at the ceiling and said, 'I can't but You can.' Mike walked into my hospital room with our little girl in his arms and she was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. Because of Your strength and peace, we were able to feel the joy that first time parents get to feel. It was more than awesome. That was all you, too."

"Do you think a God who got you through all that and more might be worth telling people about? Maybe even the people in Poland?"

"Especially the people in Poland."

Who in the heck do I think I am telling anyone what types of mission trips do or don't work? Where or where they should not take place? Which country needs one over the next? A person who doesn't know about God is a person who doesn't know about God and that's what needs to go on...people need to know about God because I can't imagine my life without Him.

But I'm still going to be uncomfortable, so CAN YOU HELP ME?

1. Because there will be no communication allowed with me and my home (unless there is an emergency) I would like to find 13 people who will send me notes that I can open every day. That way I can feel like I've "called home". So if you think you can do that, ask for my address through facebook or e-mail and I'd love to give it to you. If you send it in the mail, please mark it "DO NOT READ UNTIL POLAND" or I will open it because I will just think you love me. Please send the cards by March 15th. If any of you would like to write some to the youth, that would be AWESOME too! Let me know!

2. PLEASE PRAY. There's lots to pray about, so hopefully lots of you will!

- Mike will be home taking care of the kids for 13 days!

- Mike's mom Sue will be going through chemo.

- Our foster baby will be getting ready for us.

- There are a million things to go wrong and right on the trip- I'm pretty nervous about an 18 hr flight!

- Everyone stays healthy- no migraines for me specifically.

- We will learn and grow and people will accept us.

- I will find an instant coffee that doesn't taste like death.

I went shopping yesterday and I bought a few things for the trip and I also bought some fun pink paper for my baby announcements. Even through this time I have hope that this is not forever. There will be some major dancing going on when our adoption is one day final and we can relax knowing that our child is safe in our arms and we won't have to rely on paperwork or the state ever again. But there are going to be a lot of trials until then. It won't be easy. We can't but He can.

There is a song that I love and I will end with it's lyrics. Thank you for reading this friends. One thing I'm thankful for is I will never walk alone because of my God and because of the mountains and mountains of friends He has given to me...while I'm waiting.

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting

I will serve You

While I’m waiting

I will worship

While I’m waiting

I will not faint

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on You, Lord

Though it’s not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting

I will serve You while I’m waiting

I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

While I'm Waiting by John Waller