The ups and downs of Mothers Day

Mothers Day will always be bittersweet for me. But as each year passes I pray the sweet will outgrow the bitter, as my heart continues to remember my children and my mother who are no longer with me, and as my heart is continually filled by the blessings of my children who are with me and their sweet gestures of love.

Here are some of the bitters and the sweets of this year:



Sweet- Blake came out of his classroom at school with a giant grin. "Mom, I MADE you a surprise! You can't open it until mothers day! Or you can open it in the car!" He gets that from me. I can't ever wait to give someone a surprise. Inside his backpack: a hand made card that read, "Mom, I love you because:____________" and he wrote on the blank, "you love me for evr"(phonetically). He drew me and him jumping on a trampoline, and I was wearing a pearl necklace. It's a keeper for sure. And just so you know I don't wear pearls and we've never jumped on a trampoline together. Even sweeter.



Bitter- It was mothers day right before my mom died. She had a blood disease and couldn't catch a single germ or it could be really bad. For mothers day she couldn't be around people. I lived in Portland and dad said it was best to stay there since she couldn't have visitors anyway. My bro and sis in law lived in Seattle so they drove to the house but visited through the sliding glass window. We had all bought her a bird feeder. They put it in her yard and then called me on the phone so I could talk to her while they opened the window and let her see it. She cried her head off and loved it so much. I would have driven 300,000 miles to stand outside her sliding glass window...if I had only known.



Sweet- Mike took me to Target to pick out any gift I wanted. He took the boys so I could slowly shop down every aisle and take my time, in peace and quiet. Little did I know the boys were shopping for me as well. After I bought what I wanted (a giant, rain-fall shower head) I saw the boys ringing up a surprise. When we all got in the van I opened my gift from Tyler. It was Hanna Montana bubble gum! I said, "Thank you Tyler!!" He looked at it and said, "Can I hold it?" He was holding true to his three year old model that it is truly better to receive than to give. =-)

Bitter- After my dad made my family mother's day tacos, my aunts wanted to take flowers over to the cemetery to mom and grandma's graves. And my babies are buried with my mom. The whole day I was already walking around like an emotional ticking time bomb...going to the cemetery was not going to help this. So instead I stayed home and watched a cable show about families in other countries that get to watch multiple children die due to having no running water available to them. And this is every day life to them. What are we going to do about this? I tabled the question for a day that was not mothers day. Again...did not help with the time bomb thing.

Sweet- After church I had to stay late and clean up the espresso bar I help run. Blake came running up to me with a wooden butterfly he had painted for me in class. He said again, "Happy mothers day mom! I made you this! Oh, and this!" He reached in his bag and gave me a half a bag of crumpled up goldfish crackers. He said, "I saved you half of my snack for when you're done doing coffee because I know that makes you awfully tired." Then he puckered his lips for a kiss. Yeah. For real.

Bitter- My heart is ready for my next baby but my stinking fingerprints won't pass and this is something I cannot control. I trust God's plan in all of this, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I need patience. I need peace. I need to enjoy this time as a family of four while life isn't very crazy because it will only get more out of hand with the foster care system entering it.

Thank you God for the bitter and the sweet, each adding it's own flavor to my very complete life. I learn from each side. I am struggling right now as to what I am to do as I wait on you, but I trust you know just what you are doing and I am thankful, SOOOO thankful, for the mommy you created me to be. The mommy of Hope Michael and her dark, curly hair and unforgettable, perfect, Mary Kay lips. The mommy of Carter Lewis who brought me SO much joy of shopping for twins and who kicked me for the first time, right under my heart the night before his surgery, letting me know everything would be okay. The mommy to Blake Richard whose face alone brightens up a room and who makes me laugh so hard with his sense of humor and whose tender heart makes him the best big brother. The mommy to Tyler Carter who is quiet like daddy but when he talks he means what he says and is so fun to be with. His kisses make me feel like a million bucks. And finally the daughter to Dianne Yvonne Fankhauser, the greatest mother ever made, who taught me that people were more important than things, listening was more important than dishes, and giving was more important than getting. I am BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE for all of these gifts you have given to me...really makes my shower head look stupid. (sorry honey!)